I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
