I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
