felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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