Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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