She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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