please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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