I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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