I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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