her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
