remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
