I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Welp...herpes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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