Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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