So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize