I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
