He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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