Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
