Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
