I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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