I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dicks are not precious.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
