Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
