He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
