my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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