nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
