Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
