someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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