I checked into jail on foursquare
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
