so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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