I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk is a universal language darling
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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