I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
