wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
