I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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