my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
