ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
