Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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