his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
