the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
