Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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