have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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