its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
