just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
