If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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