Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
