fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
well, you know. whores of a feather.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
