I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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