im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
