could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
