Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
