so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
