I cannot find my penis.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
