Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
