i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize