ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
