I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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