The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So drunk its hurt
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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