where am i from again
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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