She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
