i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
