Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
