I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
