If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
