She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
