he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
