Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
