Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize