I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
