Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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