I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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