That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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