I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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