Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
