We're facebook friends in real life
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
