"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
