You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
