Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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