real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
