Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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