I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I will be naked everywhere
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
