She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
