Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
