And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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