Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
me + whiskey = a bad person
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize