Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
