I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
