Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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