Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
