Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
