I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
