My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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