Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just google imaged poop.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
