Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
