Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
