it was like his penis was on wheels.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
