The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
