giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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