last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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