I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize