So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So apparently I’m into choking now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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