did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize