A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
