come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize