I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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