remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
