I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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